my playlist is on random.
and i'm discovering all sorts of songs i never knew i had.
such as this one (how tragic that i was unaware of a U2 album!):

You're kept awake dreaming someone else's dream
Coffee is cold but it'll get you through
Compromise that's nothing new to you.
Let's see colors that have never been seen
Let's go places no one else has been

You're in my mind all of the time
I know that's not enough
Well if the sky can crack there must be someway back
To love and only love


also, there's a part of me that's grumpy about how easy the internet makes everything these days. it used to be a talent to change html settings on blogs. and to be able to use photoshop instead of sites like picnik. but, i suppose the days of intense user friendliness are upon us.

apparently lyrics are my lifeline lately.



The current is strong from what I've heard
It'll wisk you down the stream
But there never seems to be much time

My toes just touched the water

Daydreamed on the bank again
I was swimming with the fish
And I thought this time that it may be true

My toes just touched the water

Walked a mile just to find the edge
Some place low enough to step right in
Now I'm here and I can't begin - to move

Walked a mile just to find the edge
Some place low enough to step right in
Now I'm here and I can't begin - to move

The spoiled sun up over there
It always has to have its way
And I know that the river's there to shelter me

My toes just touched the water

(norah jones)

perhaps i should really think about getting some of her music..

This is how I know our love
This is when I feel its power
Here in the absence of it
This is my darkest hour

When both of us are hunkered down
And waiting for the truce
All the complicated wars
They end pretty simple
Here when the lights go down
We roll to the middle

No matter how my pride resists
No matter how this wall feels true
No matter how I can't be sure
That you're gonna roll in too
No matter what, no matter what
I'm going to reach for you

When I get to heaven I'm gonna go find Job
I want to ask a few hard questions, I want to know what he knows
About what it is he wanted and what he got instead
How to be broken and faithful

What I thought I wanted
What I thought I wanted

Staring in the water like aesop's foolish dog
I can't help but reflect on what it was I almost lost
What it was I wanted, what I got instead
Leaves me broken and grateful

"the recipe page has been the most visited part of the inaugural website" ...so that's why i'm an american ;)

and, one last thing ... did someone from scranton, pa really make it to vice presidency? :)

sitting here, watching the inauguration ... what do i feel?
why is there still an invocation? what purpose does it serve ... just because we feel like we have to have it? why do we still say "so help me God" .. and swear on the bible?
why are people more excited to see aretha franklin than to speak to the God of the universe? nothing against ms. franklin .. she's great .. but do we .. do i .. comprehend who we're speaking to when we pray?
hope. freedom. change. newness. love. service. equality. justice.
isn't it clear, perhaps more than ever, that these are the things we long for?
are these not the very things woven through each and every gospel?
this is no novelty.
what about simplicity?
"when true simplicity is gained, to bow and to bend we shan't be ashamed"
why do americans know simplicity to be good, but follow everything but it? why do i do the same very thing?
maybe it's good to keep singing these songs, repeating these words. at least we will be reminded... at least we won't forget these virtues completely.
but, is it not obvious that we have no ability on our own to go through with doing what we know is right?
so why do i watch this with tears in my eyes? where is this emotion coming from?
"a willingness to find meaning in something greater than themselves"
..do we have that willingness?
is guilt causing this? sadness? worry? uncertainty? melancholy?
is presidency 'sacred'?
do we even know how to brave icy currents anymore?

Cutting through the darkest night are my two headlights
Trying to keep it clear, but I'm losing it here
To the twilight
There's a dead end to my left
There's a burning bush to my right
You aren't in sight
You aren't in sight

Do you want me
Like I want you?
Or am I standing still
Beneath the darkened sky
With the scenery flying by
Or am I standing still
Out of the corner of my eye
Was that you
Passing my by?

On this hot summer night
Between fight and flight
Is the blind man's sight
And a choice that's right
I roll the window down
Feel like I'm
I'm gonna drown
In this strange town

Feel broken down
I feel broken down
Do you need me
Like I need you

A sweet sorrow is
The call tomorrow

Are you passing me by
Or am I standing still?

why do i believe such lies? so easily?

'cause hell's the only place you can be free of all love's pain.
[is this true?]

"Ah, when to the heart of man
Was it ever less than a treason
To go with the drift of things,
To yield with a grace to reason,
And bow and accept the end
Of a love or a season?"
-from "Reluctance" by Robert Frost

i'm scared.
sometimes, i understand the verse about not making promises.
promises shouldn't be made.
they only set you up for not following through.
or the fear of it, at least.
i'm tired of living in this brokenness.
with this broken body, broken soul, broken heart. surrounded by broken people.
where all we are is defeated.
why must suffering bring glory?